um.

oh shit.

ever had one of those times when you wish you could take something back? caitlin vartain has sworn revenge for something i wrote jokingly in nicole's get well card. i really should stop ebign antagonistic in advisory, but they piss me off way too much. i don't give a fuck what they all think anymore.

i am a self-centered fuckup. stay away.

i don't think blogging helps my sense of extreme self-centered-ness. at all. all i talk about on here is myself cuz that's all i know but i feel horrible for being as selfish and bitchy as i am a lot of the time.

fuck this. i really want to sleep.

maybe i should stop talking since every word that comes out of my mouth seems to hurt someone.

there is a little green devil sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear and i want to smack it. hard. but i know it will just come back.

if i've hurt you, i'm sorry.

i really just want someone to like me right now...there i go being self-centered again.

my writer's block left me for a few days. all i wanted to do was write. i had all these crazy ideas and i actually started getting them down on paper but i think i've lost my ability to write again. i finished one thing and started at least three more and i know where i want them to go but i can't get them there, not right now. my brain is a pile of mush that is actively resisting thinking.

i have a pulled hamstring, four knots in my back, and i'm sore as hell. fun, no? i feel like i've been run over by a steamroller...have since last friday. it doesn't go away.

words of wisdom from the onion:

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Your efforts to start a new religion in which you're worshipped as the messiah would go farther if you didn't have long hair, a beard, and stigmata.

me: my penguin doesn't like that.
jonathan: well, my penguin(s) do(es)
me: my penguins kick your penguins asses
j: dude. i have six invisible penguin bodyguards. they've been practicing ninja training lately. i don't think your penguins have a chance
me: 9/10 of my brain is full of penguins. and they are damn tough from fighting off the killer mice. i think they have
j: well, mr. adams, the 9/10ths of my brain penguins have plenty of room to practice their ass kicking skills, seeing as the remaining 1/10th has been vacant and available for dojo duties for quite some time now
me: ::laugh:: my penguins have been drill training in my head. and they're armed with semi-automatic water ballon launchers
j: many of my penguins have hot air balloons and can paratroop
me: mine don't need hot air balloons, they fly fighter jets
j: my hot air balloons are STEALTH hot air balloons that can go into space
me: yeah well my penguins and their jets can go invisible at will
j: well, my penguins and their hot air balloons are NINJA penguins and hot air balloons. and that's way better than invisibility
me: ninjas can't beat the incredible invisible penguins. no way.
j: ninjas can't, but ninja PENGUINS can.
me: nope, ninja penguins are no match for invisible penguins. they wouldn't know what patch of air to use their ninja moves on!
j: ninjas don't see, they SENSE. so they'd be able to tell
me: not through anti-ninja shields
j: that's where the nanorobotic penguins come in. they can penetrate the shield and destroy it, and then the ninja robots can come in
me: maybe an ordinary shield, but not mine
j: alright, that's it. this conversation is silly. i'm hereby ending it. because my penguins are above such petty things.
me: my penguins are hurt.

oh the wonders of late night boredom...

i just don't give a flying fuck anymore.

some recent tuesday i missed the first three periods cuz i was out sick. i think this was two weeks ago. my mother refused to excuse my sickness so apparently i cut school. damn, i could have at least done something fun and cut school. tday creepy old mr. fuller emailed me and apparently i have to serve three work crews, one for each period i missed. what the fuck?

i'm somewhat beyond caring it's all so stupid and petty and vaguely unjust. dumb as hell. why the quarter when i start paying attention in class and taking good notes and studying am i suddenly in trouble? i was starting to care again. i was coming out of my hole of apathy and getting interested in things again and they throw three work crews at me for working my ass off.

the attendance nazi can go crawl in a hole and die for all i care. he really can.

i ralized today that he reminds me of max in some bizarrey way. yergh...ick...blech...pardon me while i puke, please.

i hate daylight savings time with a passion. it's such a stupid idea in the first place, making everyone get up an hour earlier for no good reason whatsoever. plus everyone else has to keep in mind that thos wacky americans are an hour off. makes everything very difficult.

and then you have situations like mexico city a few years ago.

mexico city is designed new york-style, with various boroughs. when daylight savings time came, president fox declared that everyone should switch over so as to be on the same time as their biggest trading partner, the u.s. half the boroughs decided this was a bad idea and refused gto switch over so half the city was running an hour ahead and half wasnt so you never knew what time to be anywhere for anything.

so you see, daylight savings time just causes problems.

plus, rather than 5:30 i now have to start waking up at 4:30 three times a week. oh joy.

i'm really tired of being sweet and normal and pretty and boring. i want to be dead sexy and vaguely dangerous and a heartbreaker. being boring has grown really really old and i want it to end right now. hah. maybe in my next lifetime i'll be the sexy one.