fall

when you look at me, do you see what i see?
do you see how much i mean it every time i say 'i love you'?
falling in love is bad for me.
it hurts.
so why is it happening?
and do you even know?
sometimes when everything reminds me it gets hard to sleep.
and i would do anything just to see you.
but if i told you would i lose you?
maybe you know who you are.
maybe you don't.
but i just wanted to say
i'm thinking of you today.

la apaciguadora

sailor suit dress uniforms have no right to exist. really they don't. i am wearing a skirt, for god's sake. sigh.

am looking forward to:
seeing lo and other people
good food
having money for the first time in forever

am not looking forward to:
mom and kit on thanksgiving
coming back to school

you've got me spinning round and round, turning upside down...where is my mind...two little girls grown out of their training bras...i'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love...i have a lover who loves me...i'm gonna do my best swan dive into shark infested waters...i don't care if they eat me alive i've got better things to do than survive...i've got a vision of sky and dry land...i wish it would rain...i am walking out in the rain...i've got no illusions about you...guess what i never did...i guess their lives are much like mine...by the shape of your shaved head i recognised your silhouette...dancing with myself...the world's a mess and you're my only cure...the only words i know are more more and more...i am lying on the floor four stories high in the corridor between the ashalt and the sky...

my head is a mess of song lyrics swirling and mixing and coming out slightly changed, somehow new, all applicable.

i wish i could fly.

swan dive

i've had a lack of inhibition
i've had a loss of perspective
i've had a little bit to drink
and it's making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there's got to be more that this boat i'm in
they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one in a million
and they can call me brilliant if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
moving at the speed of sound
i'm just gonna get my feet wet
until i drown

two little girls

lauren hall is BACK IN TOWN.

uh...interesting look

sitting in the school library wearing chrissie's fluffy scarf and black-and-white leopard print hat. so?

tech is...wonderful. my life. what i live for. what i want to do. the only thing that i always feel better after. last night i went to natti's shop and helped load in all the shit from hamlet which was supacool. kamilla drove me there and we talked and she's so cute...yay...and then natti drove me home and we talked about tech and her kids and other fun stuff. twas good times. and meant i didn't really have to see mom. except for the five minutes it took to persuade her to let me sm for ingrid.

lauren. home. need to see her sometime. yeah.

what more can i say?

sometimes your happy and sometimes you're sad but the world goes round.

people should come see my show. cuz it's good. and then i could see y'all since i can't go downtown.

what's wrong with my head?

lauren, baby...call me.