let me kiss the bride

would you believe me if i told you im sitting here in a shirt that ends right under my boobs and a long flowy purple skirt and i spent most of the day baking a cake?

you better fucking believe it, bitch.

emotion

three hours ago i was exhausted. ready to feed the dog and fall over into bed. now i am awake in that wide-eyed, emotionally bruised and exhausted kind of way.

im tired of people assuming (a) that i am a slut and (b) that just because i screw around, im not interested in commiment and im not romantic. you know what i want right now? i want to take katie and get an apartment because im sick of sneaking around, im sick of never being able to see her. i want to fall asleep in her arms and know when i wake up the next morning she'll be there. i want a cat.i want stability. i want to spend hours painting the walls and building furniture out of old scrap lumber. but most of all i want the assurance that i can come home to someone and wake up with them the next morning for some indefinite period of time. i want to know that someone loves me enough to do that.

im such a needy little bastard today.

but i really really really want an apartment and a cat and a girl. im just one more fucking romantic.

and why cant i fucking cry?

when she kissed me

most of last night was spent in a fog of supercharged sexual energy. when katie called me and teased me mercilessly over the phone i was already tripping out on hot girls. ten minutes later when jared pinned me against the wall of the bart station and gave me one of the best hickeys ever i nearly passed out. when sam kissed me on the dance floor i couldnt believe this was actually me. when i saw the pictures i decided we must have teleported to an alternate universe where i was actually hot. when jared gave me my third hickey of the night i couldnt stay on my feet. i spent most of the night topless, entirely unselfconscious about any of the shit that usually bothers me because i felt hot. i felt beautiful. eyeliner and a black bra and low-slung black pants and steel-toe workshoes and i was one of the beautiful people. i felt like someone else. someone i know. someone who is much hotter than ill ever be. but when one of the first hot girls i noticed yesterday morning kissed me on the dance floor, i could believe it was all true.

holy shit im gay

this will be so much better once sam sends me the pics, but a brief summary:
attended classes such as 'bdsm for dummies' and 'the joys of queer sex'
reid met a boy
i have four large hickeys on my neck
i spent most of the night making out with a superhot chick
i made out with...er...let me count...five different people

[await the pictures!]