tus ojos

entertaining three crazy italian blokes by taking them to a belly dancing show at a pizza parlor is officially one of the most fun things i have ever done.

both hands

i am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe and your flesh has been pillow
i am wating for sleep to offer up the deep with both hands

and in each others' shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all

i'll fly away

so close to out - my last class before spring break ended at one, then advisory at one twenty-five, and now a long free during which i could technically leave, then puzzle club. free. freedom. i've been waiting. school is so oppressive, so exhausting, requiring so much more energy and concentration than i'm willing to expend. the admin has reached a point of flat-out hatred, which can be really difficult in a school this small. so what if i'm flamboyant and have a blue mohawk? that's no reason to yell at me for being 'combative' or 'not caring about anything in the castilleja community except drama.' that's such bollocks. it's hard to pull an a+ in math without caring [never mind that that's exactly what i do]. i hate it when people judge me at face value and refuse to take into consideration what i actually think and feel and do.

i miss reid.

it's easy to take someone for granted when they're here, to get annoyed at them for little ridiculous things, to take care of them because you care just that much, and then they leave and there's this huge hole where they were. and you wonder if you were a little more hardassed, if you did something slightly different, maybe it wouldn't have happened.

there's a hole in my life.

a lot of them, really. i'm like a christmas snowflake, with all these little bits carved out of me. i care too easily and too much. someone like alix who i barely got to know. holes. huge holes. i'm falling apart.

it's spring break. will it make or break me? tomorrow i go vamp. vamped out for my girl. my girl. a funny thing to say. this is my longest relationship ever, which isn't saying much. i'm writing you a letter inside my head...

my head hurts because i don't know what to do with myself, with my life, where i'm going. i know but i don't know. i hate high school and almost everything involved with it - it's turned into one long nightmare and i'm losing sight of the other side. all i want is to get through.

kissing and missing. wishing. hoping. wanting. needing. hurting. eyes dry, head sore, heart sick. heartsick. get me out.

got a girl in the vatican dome

it's nearly three-thirty and well past my staying-up-late threshhold [how the hell is that spelled?] and therefore could stay up all night.

except i know that's a very bad idea with work tomorrow.

but i was in bed and had the light off and was about to fall alseep...when suddenly and inexplicably i thought about jello. specifically jello brains [yes you read that right]. namely the jello brain i'm supposed to take to work in the morning.

so i got out of bed and wandered out to the kitchen to discover (a) that the good measuring cup had been put away dirty, (b) that all the large bowls seemed to be dirty or missing, and (c) that i'd been an idiot and not bought enough jello [my only excuse is that i didn't have the recipe with me].

so i used and inferior measuring cup.

and looked for the bowls again.

and they were still not to be found.

so i used a casserole.

then i had to tackle the jello problem. i dug through every cupboard until finally, at the back of the baking-and-random-instant-food cupboard, i found one small box of cherry jello.

with that and the jello i had bought, i had enough to make three fourths of a cherry-peach brain.

which led to some more interesting problems. like trying to figure out what the hell 3/4 of 1 3/4 is [trust me, this is hard at 230 am] and discovering that the only measuring cup marked off in ounces [the recipe gave the measurement for the evaporated milk in ouces. don't ask me why.] was, of course, the dirty one. so i had to wash it. what kind of kitchen has dishes in the cupboard that have no guarantee of being clean when i pull them out.

so i mixed up the jello. and looked at the recipe. and realized i needed food coloring to make it some color other than bright pink [red + pale pink = very bright pink]. another thing my kitchen is not guaranteed to have. dig through the cupboard where it is supposed to be, find everything from mint extract to barbie sprinkles, and finally, at the very back, in a dusty box, was a tiny bottle of green food coloring. perfect.

and the amout of jello-brain-stuff made by 3/4 of a recipe turned out to be perfect for filling the mold.

then the recipe said to refrigerate. so i opened the refrigerator and discovered there was not one cubic inch of free space, much less enough space to put a jello-brain-mold-in-a-bowl. cleaning the fridge was definitely not on the list of things i wanted to do. i don't trust anything that comes out of there unless i've put it in within the last two days. some of the stuff toward the back is...er...pretty exciting. some interesting scientific experiments.

a little bit of cleaning and reengineering, and it would fit. and i was done. and i cleaned up the kitchen.

but really, that was so much more work than it should have been.