much crazy fun yesterday. i love hanging out with you guys. valendooms day roses and free cookies and save ferris and hedwig and provocative dances and good music and yelling montague! capulet! with gang signs to match and caddie visiting the booth and joking with kat and making everyone in town and country think we were high and hugs and joking with brad...i'm sure there was more, too.

'it comes in pints?' yay!

so i'm not in honduras. i got home at 11:45 last night and it was really cold so i crawled into bed and set the alarm for 12:30 in case i fell asleep. next thing i knew it was 3:35, my alarm clock was off, and i had ten minutes to pack and find my passport. i rolled over and fell back asleep. damn it all.

my parents are dragging me to bear valley tonight, i'll be back tuesday night. ::sigh:: i don't want to go.

follies is a tech nightmare. enough said?

i hate wednesdays. they suck.

i really need to stop putting things in new locations so they'll be 'safe' because these locations usually end up being not only safe but me-proof. i can never find them again. this is what has happened to my passport. for months it lived in my backpack an di knew exactly where it was but then one day i decided it wasn't safe there so i put it somewhere safer only now i can't find it. poo.

latest searches: wire stippers, what tape of toothpicks are there. so far every single search that has brought up my blog hjas had at least one typo in it. myabe this somehow reflects my nonexistent typing skills.

i hate this. my blog isn't letting me publish so i don't know why i'm writing. poo.

being back at school today is weird. i never had a weekend at all. just now i was thinking about lunch and though 'what did we have for lunch yesterday?' and then i realized that yesterday wasn't a schoolday.

toni and i have disowned each other. mneh. life was really good all weekend but now all of a sudden it kinda sucks. ick. i'm so disjointed and unhappy and apparently i sound like a broken record. it's true. i say the same things over and ovcer and it bugs me cuz i never know what else to say and i end up sounding dumber than i really am. ::sigh::.

on the bright side i'm going to carlmont this afternoon with the other fomfers for the judging. hurrah.

kathryn- i figured it out just by reading through it. very easy. i think i'll write you one.

is it safe to look within
and erase all that's been
and all that's been between
is it gone
tell me what went wrong
cuz baby i'm not that strong
and i'm walking wounded
all alone

are you comforatble and numb
did they all succumb to all those lies
does it satisfy the greed
is it all you need
is it all you want
well baby i'm not that strong
and i'm walking wounded
all alone

if your memories do stray
then they betray all that's passed
and all that's been between
is it gone
tell me what went wrong
yes baby i'm not that strong
and i'm walking wounded
all alone

how does it feel?

(thank you, caddie)

i'm really annoyed at you. you're the queen of keeping me guessing, keeping me begging for your friendship. i'm sick of being disowned, having my friendship in jeopardy, being told that i'm a broken record. if this isn't obvious i don't know what is. i know i should talk to you but i can never find anything to say when i talk. i feel boring and repetitive and completely unwelcome. sometimes you open up and i think you really cae and it almost makes me cry because i do care about you but other times i couldn't matter less to you. i am an annoyance and i'm sick of it. if you're going to ditch me please just bloody get on with it. it would hurt like hell but i'd get over it. this state of permanent limbo is painful and won't end. i think that's all i have to say right now.

and if that post on your blog was about me, i'm sorry if i act like that. i see it and i hate it and i try to change but i never ever know what to do.

fuck life.

the soundtrack to my life right now is the awesome mix caddie made me. i love it. it makes me insanely happy every time i listen to it. it's like prozac for the financially challenged :).

i should not be writing right now. i should be madly running around this library seeing if i can find more sources for the few questions we still have nothing on but at this point i think it's a lost cause. my head hurts and half my throat is sore but i'm insanely happy and sugar high and there's this huge sense of accomplishment because i found two books and some information we desperatelt needed.

the general madness and stress level in this library is getting to the computers, too. the one i'm currently typing on is switching backgrounds every so often and randomly reloading web pages. hehe.

or maybe i'm hallucinating. i am sugar high and sleep-deprived, probably dehydrated as well. hy head is slightly spinning and everything outside castilleja, san francisco, and green libraries seems unreal and entirely removed. this is the ultimate bubble. i know my way around the san francisco library perfectly. i've probably walked at least four miles on those stairs in the last two days.

ah, insanity. gotta love it ::manic grin::.

damn computer is possessed.