she told alana she was going to quit. i never tried to make here, told myself that it was okay, that it didn't make that much of a difference. but the more i don't see her the more i realize that she cares more about the drugs than she cares about me. and it really hurts. i don't want her to hurt herself that way. she didn't quit when she said she was going to. i can't even trust her anymore.all she cares about is getting high, staying high. even the threat of being kicked out of the band wasn't enough to keep her sober. so here i am trying to hold both of us together, watching as she fucks around with her life. our lives. does she realize how much cooler she is sober?

so i'm going to do something. see if i have enough of her love to get her to quit. if she chooses drugs over me then sure it'll hurt, but i'll know i did the right thing. because it means that they really did matter more, that i'd always be after them in her priorities. so i'm not going to stand by and watch anymore.

i've become such a klepto. reid didn't even noticed that i jacked something from every store we went into. hehe. it was all little stuff. a belt, a ring, a tie.

but i think it's really sad that i see reid more that i see niki. and when i do see her, she'd rather be with anyone but me. and she never makes even the slightest effort to hold things together, i feel like out entire relationship is resting on my head. i'm so tired of being responsible and going out of my way to make this work. just fucking pull our own weight for once. i got up early to public transit in to see her, and she's too lazy to walk two blocks to my school at lunchtime. jesus fucking christ. i'm tired of being low on my girlfriend's priority list.