that kind of mood

choose a band (or singer) and answer only in song TITLES by that band: ani
describe yourself: 32 flavors
how do some people feel about you: shameless
how do you feel about yourself: not a pretty girl
describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: untouchable face
describe where you want to be: on every corner
describe what you want to be: joyful girl
describe how you live: out of habit
describe how you love: the whole night
share a few words of wisdom: work your way out

work your way out

i am lying on the floor four stories high
in the corridor between the asphalt and the sky

i spent an hour tonight shimmying and twirling, a blur of blue toenails, bright veil, flowy skirt, blue mohawk, and a tied up uniform shirt. the longer i dont dance the more i forget how much i like it. i remember when that was the thing that defined me. i was the dancer chick. and all that has changed. i never go to classes of any kind any more. but i absolutely love belly dancing and goddammit im not going to let this one disappear out of my life like ballet [or at least one ballet shoe] kinda has.

so i've been wonering, and i've been wondering for a long time...just exactly what i was to you...i mean its always kinda there, this nagging question that never got answered, and if i didnt have such a need to explain every little detail of everything i wouldnt bother about it. but i need details. i always need every last little detail or i'm not satisfied. and something about today got me wondering again. wondering. i wish the question would go away and i could get on with the way things seem to have healed themselves up and disappeared but that question still nags at me. [i dont think this is directed at anyone who reads this blog.]

i. will. not. dwell.

in the town where i was born

people lecture me. they say i am immature dumb a pain in the butt stupid way out there crazy and maybe they're right about some things but i know one thing i am not: immature. i know how to have fun but that is not the same fucking thing. just because i dont act like a clone of a fucking middle american yuppie does not mean i am immature. i take care of myself. i work. i am insanely responsible when it comes to my theatre jobs. i do enough work to pass my classes. i know who i am and where im going and what i am and what i will be and i doubt many of you could say the same. or maybe you could. but everyone i work with treats me like a fucking adult. they listen to me. they think im older than i am. and its because i know what the fuck im doing and im responsible about it.

so lighten up you fucking fucks.

maybe if i didnt have a headache i wouldnt be quite as bitchy about this.

but that really pissed me off.

speaking of being responsible...well not really, but its related somehow...yesterday was a dress whites day and i got paid to skip class and wear dress blacks instead. yup thats right...i was on staff at my own high school. booyah baby. not sure whether to be flattered for me or worried for my school. maybe both. i love my c-wrench and the lightboard is my baby. my good old etc express 48/96. this shit is what i live for.

either im going crazy or i need to eat more food or drink more water because right now i. am. floating. really seriously. the world is doing this wavy kinda thing in front of my eyes and i think i want to beat someone up. hit them a bit. my limbs are too static right now. baaaaaaaaaah. i wonder what the librarians would do if i stood up right now and let out a primal scream. almost tempted to try except for the fact that getting banned from the library in winter is a bad thing.

you know what's great? candy wrapper advisor wars. my advisory is crazy. today at one point buch and i ended up lying on the floor with our heads about three feet apart blowing a rolled up chocolate wrapper back and forth and laughing our heads off. yay.

and if you read any of that you're insane because none of it was even remotely interesting.

OH and i can so play 'where is my mind' and 'young crazed peeling' semicompetently...oh yeah i have mad guitar skills...or not but i can dream cant i?

shock treatment

cece tansferred into my phys class and we spent most of class today talking about going to get piercings together because my mother has said i can get anything pierced as long as i pay for it and cece wants to get something repierced so we are going to have some fun.

if i didnt have parents, i would:
get my own apartment
with a girl
and a cat
go to school but not have to awnswer to them about stupid grades
be able to stay out
not have to sneak around.

i am so fucking sick of being underage!

somebody to love

i. love. katie. for many reasons. every time i see her there are more reasons and i trust her and she trusts me and its wonderful. i love you. i love you. i want to say that over and over and over. mississippi.

operation sink-the-math-sub launched. day one. have insisted she call me batgirl, kept my feet on the desk all class, and blown bubbles. lots of bubbles. i need ideas of ways to drive her crazy because i dont like her and i want to wreak some minor havoc. loud music playing every day when she walks into class. silly nickname. feet on desk. utter lack of paying-attention-ness. i am so bored at this school.