::cries:: fuck it all.

t0ni finally called me. that made me very happy because she was supposed to and i was afraid she'd forgotten...because everybody seemed to have forgotten about my existence and i couldn't get through to anyone today. that pissed me off. i left messages and waited for phones to stop ringing and ringing and be picked up, i sat through the 'this number has been disconnected' recording three times, and finally it started to pay off somewhat. car3y and m3gan called me back and t0ni called and c3ce actually picked up the phone, as did ingr1d, and then ingr1d called me back, and then jian, whose number had been disconnected and i therefore couldn't get through to called me out of the blue to ask about next week's rehearsal schedule. that made me happy.

however, i spent the day rather depressed.

damn it all. i need to snap out of this bad mood.

and t0ni, i'm sorry for upsetting the world order and being depressed. it actually happens quite often, just most of the time at home because school is usually much less depressing than home.

i am simultaneously dreading and looking forward to monday.

t0ni and caddi3:
Taurus (April. 20-May 20)
Your moodiness, lack of productivity, and wasteful habit of just riding around the main roads will get you fired from your job as a Wichita-area lineman.

tam4r and car3y:
Aries (March 21-April 19)
It will be hard for you to fill Dick Clark's shoes, so be sure to use a high-quality hydraulic cement.

me:
Cancer: (June 22-July 22)
It takes a lot to offend you, but you are profoundly outraged that Ricky Schroeder is hosting the new American Sportsman

gotta love the onion.

sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me. like yesterday.

note: my blogging policy is that if it incriminates or invloves anyone else in a way that they probably don't want posted, it doesn't go up here, even if it is a major thing in my life right now. so if anything appears cryptic, there's your reason.

notes i shouldn't have written, things i shouldn't have done...let's just say i fucked everything up. and from now on let's consider it official that i am over you. i feel so bad...and i just want to be friends. and i'm sorry if that can never happen, but i'm willing to try.

can we just forget that yesterday ever happened? please?

last night i did no homework. i very brielfy looked at the assignments (which i hadn't done) that today's math quiz was on, then started writing out twelfth night rehearsal schedule because i'm being all responsibly stage manager-y. so i did that. then i went online and tried to ressurect my blog, which did not wish to be ressurected and refused to publish and i changed the address and it still wouldn't publish. so i checked and sent email and listened to music and put together a playlist of all the music that only exists on my computer and that, therefore, i must transfer to my sister's computer and burn onto cds. and i listed to music. and i looked at the clock and realized it was one am, so i went to bed and got four hours and forty-five minutes of sleep. woke up this morning, hit snooze button, lay in bed, hit snooze button again...etc. finally got up with two minutes to get ready.

hello?

because blogger is evil and wouldn't publish my other blog, i now exist here. i give you.... ::drumroll:: iris's recreated blog, with two previously unpublished entries.

now will it let me publish this blog?

[9/24/2002 8:53:10 PM | iris]
so i am here again.

have you ever tried to concentrate on homework while your mother practiced the saxophone?

ah. i thought not.

trust me, it's hard.

oh and on top of that there's a huge fire burning not on the ridge right next to my house but the one behind that. exactly one ridge line, two roads and one reservoir away. very smoky right now. normally there are so many stars out here because it gets really dark but now i can hardly see any because there's so much smoke. the cloud of smoke stretches over my house and all the way to the other horizon. driving home i could see the flames on top of the ridge.

caddie gave me a ride across the circle on the back of her bike. much fun. wheeeeeeee.

rehearsalness: jonathan, paz, max, jeeyon and ellie. two scripts forgotten and mr. capron fifteen minutes late. i feel like a very responsible stage manager, though, because i have all the blocking neatly noted down in my script on one side and the other side saved for tech cues. and rehearsal was good except max has this annoying way of squinching up his eyes that is starting to relly piss me off. and he is one of the people who needs to get blocking from me tomorrow due to lack of script today. and after rehearsal, which involved long happy discussions of antonio-sebastian relationship, paz volunteered brad to give me a ride to the train station so i hung out with paz and jeeyeon and then paz called brad to see if he could give me and jeeyon rides. long pause. paz: come on. this is iris. she has green hair. eee. that made me happy. and he said "she knows she can walk to the train station, right?" and i told paz "yes." so he agreed. then he didn't show up for a while more during which we got into retreat discussions and fed the ants and paz ate most of jeeyon's orange and we raided paz's locker food (yummmy) and paz called brad again to see where he was and about two minutes later he showed up. funny how that works. so paz started trying to figure out how one fits four people and a bike in one relatively small car, and brad offered to come back and get the bike after dropping me off. then he said since he was coming back paz and jeeyon could stay at school and he'd just take me. paz nixed that one right away. hehe. i forget exactly what she said but it amused me. so we all pile in and drive to the train station and paz "orders brad around then hits him in the head" (she pointed out a do not enter sign and accidentally ran her hand into his ear whe she was trying to ::cough:: apologize...brad: what kind of girlfriend do i have?) then jeeyon tweaked his eyebrow ring (ow! that one hurt.) paz: everyone's abusing you. i think it's iris's turn now. me: no, i'll be nice. brad: thank you. if you had hurt me i wouldn't have driven you any closer to the train station (we are sitting at the light waiting to be able to turn into the station parking lot. me:so you would have just dumped me and driven off with my stuff? brad: no, i just said i wouldn't drive you any closer. jeeyon: so you're going to drive her stuff to the station, not her.
brad: yeah. then he dropped me off in the station parking lot and i walked around to the back to get my stuff and he starts pulling away. i run after him, open back hatch. me: hey! my stuff. where were you going? brad: paz told me not to so of course i had to. me: you guys are all soooo nice to me. (close hatch). brad drives away.

wheeeeeeee!

there's sticky stuff on my keyboard. graaaar. i did not put it there. sister's doing.

now my sister is playing with mom's sax. ::strangles sister::

toni: whose blog is that?
me: guess.
toni: is it a boy?
me: no.
toni: is it a girl?
me: yes.
toni: is she hot?
me: well i used to think so...
toni: it's caddie.
--later--
caddie: okay, then...what's my blog address?
toni: oh i know this...anti-something...
caddie: how do you know?
me: she figured it out.
caddie: how?
me: i had it written on my hand and she asked whose it was and i made her figure it out.
toni: i asked her three questions.
caddie: and what were they?
toni: is it a boy, is it a girl, is it caddie
me: no...four. ::meaningful look::
toni: no, you volunteered that!
me: no i didn't.
toni: yes you did.
me: no.
caddie: wait...what did you ask or she volunteer?
toni: never mind.
me: nothing.
--later still--
caddie: so what was it she asked you?
me: okay. one: is it a boy. no. two: is it a girl. yes. three: is she hot?
::wild laughter from caddie on her bike::
caddie: so what did you say?
me: well i used to think so...
caddie: oooh. harsh.
(later responses to this i have come up with: (1) you're not hot...you're damn sexy. (2) would you be happier if i still fancied you? (3) well what else was i supposed to say?)

(subject change) ::laughing:: coincidences, caddie. ::wiggles eyebrows:: rrrow.

toni! ::chants in latin:: i like to eat english muffins with nutella for breakfast every morning...

and you gotta love those ancient roman computers.

trilling: goths...do they still have those?...if they were doing it right they'd have pointy hair.

thompson, on the knight in the canterbury tales: he's setting himself up as a kind of odysseus.

naughty monks...and choir boys. rrrow.

cece: at the end of our chant we should hit ourselves on the head with books...like in monty python. except...has ms. pietrzyk seen monty python? i don't want to offend her...
[edit]

[9/1/2002 11:41:08 PM | iris]
i guess i'm back. i don't know. i just really need to write and talk and...i don't know.

i just got back from the best thirty-six hours of my life and suddenly life sucks again. from 9:45 am yesterday to 9 pm today i was at toni's house at this hugeass sleepover/movie marathon and it was so great because for that time my problems didn't exist. i wasn't emotionally screwed up, i didn't have family problems or a sister...

oh hell. this is hard.

i got to toni's and then we went to costco which was really wierd because everything comes n huge quatities and we just had to get the checker who thought we were a couple of morons because i dropped mom's costco card and we tried to buy ONE six-pack of bagels when they only sell them by the dozen (even though they're packaged in sixes. don't ask me.) and we tried to buy one sik=pack of seven-up which it turn out is only sold by the CASE even though there isn't sa single sign saying that (the checker tried to persuade us there were). trust us. we looked. but we finally got out of there alive.

and we went back to toni's house to find that her mom had gone to the vet's with the puppy and hadn't left the back door unlocked like she said she would so toni tried every window and every door and finally got my dad to pry open the kitchen window and went in then let me in with the groceries. broke into her own housed. then we went online and found the video store and dad took us there and rented us eight movies (in addition to two paper bags full that i brought and four that carey said she'd bring on sunday).

then we went back to toni's with them and her mom STILL wasn't home so we broke open the three pound twelve ounce bag of nestle tollhouse semi-sweet chocolate chips and started eating them while we looked through the movies and tamar called and pointed out that i we arte the whole bag we'd gain a LOT more than 3 punds twelve ounces. you just had to rain on our picnic, didn't you? (JOKING)

and we went and got toni's hair cut and it's all cool and we were going to dye our hair later, turquoise for toni and really dark blue for me. i sat at the hair place on the black velvet couch with the leopard print little pillows and watched while this guy named bob with an earring in his left ear cut toni's hair and showed her the right gel to use for spiking the back.

then we went to megabooks in palo alto and found used copies of a bunch of the novels for toni so she can return the ones she bught at the bookstore and save a lot of money. i love megabooks. it's such a wonderful bookstore with the wonderful collection of plays upstairs and i just adore that whole section of university. with borders and megabooks and kan zeman and zao and pizza my heart and the stanford theatre and the poster shop right off it on waverly and the university coffee cafe and the bikestation and the train station. i could live right there and have everything i need.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i want to write down everything else while i still remember all the details but i can't. i am incapable of writing more than this. i just...burnt out. to be continued when i get up tomorrow.

i hate my sister.