don't close your eyes

i'll have to be more careful in the future when using the word 'never.'

because for you is never for me

i've been watching too many mushy movies. i want a movie kiss. the kind that's perfect. where you don't give a damn who sees. the kind that just happens at exactly the right moment with no planning. the last time i had a kiss like that was in october or november and my lips are getting lonely, my heart is getting sore.

and i know who i want that kiss to be but i also know it can never happen.

i have a lover who loves me
how could i break such a heart
yet still you get my attention

goldfish have no memories

what changed? i got hurt. i felt pain. to avoid it i got tough. i got a mohawk. i started wearing steel-toed boots every day. i grew into my skin. people started noticing. i became what i used to fear. what i used to admire. the beautifully dangerous people on the corner i was always told to stay away from. i looked in the mirror and thought i can do this. for the first time i saw it. i am different. i feel different. i am not who i once was, the one you knew. the one you thought you knew. i felt less invisible. sometimes. not always. but a step. a small step.

it's tough to keep moving up.

last night i slept with a thirty-one-year-old italian bloke.

...and by 'with' i mean 'in the same room as.'