emotion

three hours ago i was exhausted. ready to feed the dog and fall over into bed. now i am awake in that wide-eyed, emotionally bruised and exhausted kind of way.

im tired of people assuming (a) that i am a slut and (b) that just because i screw around, im not interested in commiment and im not romantic. you know what i want right now? i want to take katie and get an apartment because im sick of sneaking around, im sick of never being able to see her. i want to fall asleep in her arms and know when i wake up the next morning she'll be there. i want a cat.i want stability. i want to spend hours painting the walls and building furniture out of old scrap lumber. but most of all i want the assurance that i can come home to someone and wake up with them the next morning for some indefinite period of time. i want to know that someone loves me enough to do that.

im such a needy little bastard today.

but i really really really want an apartment and a cat and a girl. im just one more fucking romantic.

and why cant i fucking cry?