work your way out

i am lying on the floor four stories high
in the corridor between the asphalt and the sky

i spent an hour tonight shimmying and twirling, a blur of blue toenails, bright veil, flowy skirt, blue mohawk, and a tied up uniform shirt. the longer i dont dance the more i forget how much i like it. i remember when that was the thing that defined me. i was the dancer chick. and all that has changed. i never go to classes of any kind any more. but i absolutely love belly dancing and goddammit im not going to let this one disappear out of my life like ballet [or at least one ballet shoe] kinda has.

so i've been wonering, and i've been wondering for a long time...just exactly what i was to you...i mean its always kinda there, this nagging question that never got answered, and if i didnt have such a need to explain every little detail of everything i wouldnt bother about it. but i need details. i always need every last little detail or i'm not satisfied. and something about today got me wondering again. wondering. i wish the question would go away and i could get on with the way things seem to have healed themselves up and disappeared but that question still nags at me. [i dont think this is directed at anyone who reads this blog.]

i. will. not. dwell.