i don't know what i want from anyone anymore.

and i think you confuse me most of all. one word from you can make my day, can send me off into the stratosphere for hours, and one day without hearing anything from you can drive me insane. and sure part of the time i'm thinking about you is all ooh happy i love you...but most of the time i worry about you, or wonder what you're up to, or miss you lke crazy. you hide behind this facade of craziness that i see through, you're scared of facing up to what's inside. look, babe...you can't run and hide forever. i tried. maybe sometimes i'm still trying. but at a certain point you have to realize it isn't possible. and it worries me because the longer you don't let anyone in the harder it's going to be to really connect to anyone.

and i know all this because, deep down, you and i are really a lot alike. sometimes you're just a little bit more articulate than i am...but i read what you write and know exactly how it feels. and we're stuck in the same traps inside our minds. maybe that's part of the reason you're the only person i've really connected to lately. but...sometimes i feel the connection go fuzzy, i worry that i'm getting blocked out too. we never talk about anything but fluff, our crazy facades bouncing off each other. and i want to talk about so much more, to see you as you really are because even though i think i know what's there, i can never be sure. but i know there's a lot more than most people see.

and you're the one person i haven't run away from. you make me feel like a real human when we actually talk. over the past few months i've gotten closer to tears, better at dealing with emotions, because you made me actually feel something, even if it sometimes hurts. i wouldn't give that up for anything.

so please don't run from me.