virtue in relying on not trying to understand

thoughtful. contemplative. listening to my freshly-burned copy of the 'emotional turmoil mix'. i get responses, which is what i wanted. why am i so inherently suspicious? i never believe that people mean the most honest things they have ever said and then i realize that i should believe them and i believe them too much. i don't need to tell you what this is about, or at least i shouldn't have to, but i wonder. you're there. you're breathing. i'm dreaming. dreaming of you. dreaming of the past. the present? who knows. and who knows what the future will bring. but i live in the past, in a world of music and memories. playing the guitar is a really good outlet for all these feelings i struggle to express. keeps me sane and safe. last night i sat down and taught myself how to play 'untouchable face.' thinking is easier when my fingers are on the strings. but a lot of times i don't have the guitar. i slipped yesterday, and the worst part is that i knew exactly what i was doing. i can't let myself fall back into this. i think i'll be spending a lot of time playing in the next few weeks.

who am i? ...bet you can't even tell me that much.