it's the pain that makes you real

i don't believe in romantic love anymore. there was a time, for about two months this spring, when i believed in love. i still have memorabilia from then. it's everywhere i turn, in a slice of pizza or a word or a song, in the picture that's sitting in my desk right now. but that ended sometime around my birthday, the day before i think, and it really fucked me up for a long time, because i had overcome my cynicism and actually started to believe in something, and then it all came crashing down.

i'm a lot stronger now. i don't believe in soulmates, in anything romantic that can truly last. it leaves less openings for me to get hurt...but even getting hurt doesn't hurt so much anymore.

but the one thing i do still believe in is friendship. much as it may seem that sometimes nobody notices my existence i look around and realize otherwise. there's always somebody there. and i care so much about every on of you. i miss you if you're not here, and maybe even if you are and we haven't talked lately. come find me. strike up a conversation.

so i don't believe this bullshit about making connections for selfish reasons and their not really mattering. because they do matter. and maybe i would have gotten close to different people had situations been different (i don't believe in fate) but that doesn't change the fact that when you leave (which i'm sure all of you will) i will miss you like crazy.

keep in touch.