my drug of choice just fucks me over

i really shoudl lay off the caffeine. last night i got to work exhausted as fuck, downed three cups of will's infamously strong coffee, and waited for it to kick in. halfway through the show i was having trouble sitting still. it wasn't just my muscles, those i could more or less control. it was my mind. now normally my mind runs about twice as fast as it should, jumping from topic to topic in some kind of non-drug-induced frenzy and always ending up places i don't want it to end up. but with that much caffeine in my system, it was running about eight times faster than usual and ending up places i REALLY didn't want to end up. which is how halfway through act three i ended up thinking about autry and niki and suicide and erica and bad shit and the cuts on my arm and i was pulling a safety pin out of my pocket and then i was saying no, i won't do that, and then i was thinking about piercings and tattoos and how i half pierced my ear teh other day then decided it was a bad idea because my mum would blow a fuse or two and decide i was seriously unhinged, not that she may nopt think that already, and then i was thinking about lauren hall stuck at school in maine and how much i miss toni and how fucking wonderful the group i hung oiut with all summer is. and how much i really really need to call mo because i miss talking to that girl. and how much i wish i'd been hanging with teh palo alto crown when autry came down cuz i think she would've liked them.

maybe caffeine makes me truthful.

but that doesn't make the workings of my crazed mind any easier to deal with.