my eyes are tearing up because they just do that when i get tired, but i'm trying to force myself to turn it into real crying. i think that's what i need, why i want to get hurt, because i know in some way the tears will make it better. there's a tear haning at the corner of my right eye, but i can't get it to drop, or another one to form. instead, this feeling of needing to cry will turn into desperation adn a headache like all the others.

my spanish final paper is due in less than twelve hours, and i haven't evenstarted it. i know if i put it off till tomorrow i'll lose an entire grade, but i know if i don't do it right now, tonight, it will probably be enough better to make it worth it, so i think i'll go sleep.

i sleep to much. or attempt to sleep too much. it's my escape, which probably really isn't healthy.

but i can deal with that later. escaping now.