i miss the days of english muffin toasting pirate wars and having snog yelled at me in huge letters. i miss the carefree, the unknown. i miss being able to say random stuff and get a smile back. maybe i should go back and try to do it all again. i spend so much of my life trapped in my memories, and so little actually living. i love the memories...but i only have memories like that cuz i emerged from my head long enough to actually live a few times. i'd like to say i'm getting better at that...but if anything it's gotten worse. everything in my life, every song, every place, reminds me of so many moments and people. it gets silly after a while, walking along in my little head world thinking of all the good and bad times gone by and not making any new ones. that and i spend all my free time firmly ensconced in front of my computer. it's just not the same. i'm living through other people's lives that i read about online and the details i've typed out about events gone by in mine. i really have to stop living in the past here, folks. i'm tired of nostalgia taking over my brain, especially for things that really weren't so great to begin with. i need to stop embellishing the past.

hah. like that'll ever happen.

i need to meet a new girl...start doing something fun with my time. i need to get off my ass and find a job. i need to take driver's ed in case i ever have a car to drive. i need to keep my parents' trust intact to i can have more freedom.

i had a dream last night. dad drove me to the san jose train station and i was getting all my stuff together and i had to be in there by eight to catch a train...i was hoping the train would be late...cuz i had to get on that train. i was running away. and i got into the stationa nd it was 8:01 and my train was gone and the board said the next train to portland was at 11 pm. that's when i figured out where i was supposed to be going. so i decided to wait around...and i don't know what happened, cuz mica woke me up to get ready for school.