untouchable face

i've been thinking almost entirely in song lyrics lately. i'm single. i talk but i never say anything. i feel so vapid, so useless. all i want to do is look into your eyes and listen to everything tell you everything and kiss you, a movie kiss. it's hard not to think about you. an email being reread. a song. a beautiful song that makes me shiver and sigh as i try to recreate it recreate her voice recreate you. oxygen is precious. how much do i have left? i'm running out of time out of places out of people. out of life. i want to sleep but that's time wasted time time time time. i want to kiss you. i miss you so much it aches right here. how is this possible? i don't know. everybody's human i'm just less human than most. the bug in the program. i don't understand myself and i don't understand you and i'm aching for something bigger and better and more important than what i'm living now. there's got to be something out there. i'm becoming so disillusioned with this country and this earth and the human race in general. how can we screw up so badly so many times over? i wish thigs were simple and i wish they were harder and i wish i could make myself work a little harder play the game a little longer so i could get out of here but maybe i don't want out. as soon as i find something to stay for i realize i'm almost out of time. is it posible to hate people but love the place associated with them? some things and people are so beautiful. there are certain people who seem to glow on film and i want to make a beautiful black and white movie of them because i know no matter what they were doing they'd look amazing. some people are just like that. it's a chai and warm blanket kind of a day and that's what i want to do with my time. that's what i should have done with my time but it's gone now. i've lost time. where did it go? can i ever find it again?

the finest hour i have seen
is the one that comes between
the edge of night and the break of day
when the darkness rolls away

i want to stay up till dawn drinking chai and talking to you and then watch the sun come up over the hills.