fall

i know what falling feels like. losing control. waiting for someone to sign on. staring at their number in my phone. saving every bit of communication, every memory. conversations leave me shaky and vulnerable. i don't even need to see her. one word, one hello. a picture. just knowing i have pictures. thinking of the way we touched the way i tried not to stare the way i kissed someone else all the while hoping she'd notice me. the way i lost my breath when we met. the way we talked, awkwardly yet comfortably dancing around each other never saying what we really meant. the way i hoped i'd see her, the way i lost my voice when i did. the jittery anticipation

so close. so far. the strange way things work out.

both hands
now use both hands
oh no don't close your eyes