what marbles i had

why is it that i can only write when ive gone off the deep end again. i am a bungee cord bouncing back and forth from crazy to sane to crazy...you get the idea. i am where i am and i am who i am but where and who is that? i think i know and then i dont and i think im getting better and again i dont and i should give up and live but i cant get past this wall of thoughts this feeling of invisibility and i know ive said it all before and no one wants to hear it.