sigh

i want to fall asleep feeling beautiful. i want someone to tell me i am. i want to flirt and seduce and fall and have the other person care just as much. in short...i need a girl. life lately has made me rather cynical. a lot of little things grate on my nerves, like walking down the street and seeing a happy couple...happy marriage...it's not possible...everyone will eventually end up splitting up. nothing is constant or forever. and i hater life for that...but at the same time maybe it would be boring if things were. i really really need someone to kiss and hold and such. or just someone who can look into my eyes and care...just because i don't make a big stink about things doesn't mean my life's all happy and shit...my sister throws tantrums and is a control freak and everyone notices her. i don't want to be noticed for that. but i'm tired of being quiet.

i saw pat tonight. i felt like seducing him or something...because i think maybe i could pull it off...plus he's a really pretty boy. he remembered i still had his bracelet. i didn't think he would. i was wearing my formal dress and a tiara and a feather boa and sneakers and fishnets and randomly ran into him off university.

what's wrong with my life?

wishing and wanting haven't gotten me anywhere. they won't. i need to do something. i need to change, to be something. i need to believe again because my belief in a lot of things has been completely shattered.

dunno what else to say.