i don't know what to say. i hate being me. i really do. i want to cut my hair and that's part of the reason. i'm not even so scared it'll look bad anymore...i really don't care all that much. i need something new. my life was awesome for exactly two weeks and i was getting better and then poof it all evaporated. you know what? fuck you. i should have known i was just another stupid girl dumb enough to fall for you. that's the last thing i ever wanted to be. you say you want to be alone...but that's really no excuse...i have that song stuck in my head. i want you to know how much this hurts...does any of what you said still hold true...it doesn't help that you're sitting next to me.

there's no joy without the pain
it's the pain that makes us strong
but sometimes it's just so hard to carry on
when you said that you don't care
when you said that you'd be there
well i wonder just how did things go so wrong...

i have that song very much stuck in my head.

i hate this.

but i don't hate you. even though i want to sometimes. i should have known...i should have known...but please know that i'm hurting, i was getting better but i've fallen again...ergh...i have poprocks in my pocket,...but they make me sad...

i hate this. i hate being fucked up. i wasn't anymore really...partially because i could count on you. and now i can't. i don't want this to end. but i think it has.

i don't know what to say.