i just finished the perks of being a wallflower. it's left me wanting to get in a car and drive, and know that somehow everything will be okay. everything is okay. because really it is. this after noon made me realize that as i walked to peet's with erica and we talked about sexy dictators and foulmouthed puddles and washing our mouths out with soap and then we'd lapse into silence and somehow it was all okay, whether we were talking or not. it felt good. and toni let me read her journal, the one thing she had never let me do before. tamar always got to read them and i never knew what they said. standing in the rain waiting for the shuttle llife felt so perfect and i started randomly composing a song, my first one ever. it just sort of wrote itself. and i stood there singing it and making up new parts and harmonies and i don't remember it all now. when i got off the train it was sunny and i realized that my life is simply how i feel about it, and right then it felt so wonderful and i realized how good it was and i walked down the station platform grinning liek an idiot and i ran into my sister in the tunnel cuz she was catching the next train home and i told her she could use my computer...gave her my password. i've decided to stop burning my bridges and rebuild the ones i already have. it's all a matter of my attitude toward it. so from now on...i'm going to try to look on the bright side. anything's possible. right now...i feel like i could fly. step through the screen door and just fall up. hurl myself at the ground and miss.

i feel invincible and infinite.