nasty cuts

i'm in super burnout mode right now. my brain is so fried i don't even want to sleep. no lab data so can't finish the lab that's due today, and i don't think my brain can take slogging through an essay. nothign around me makes sense right now, it feels liek if i closed my eyes either i or the rest of the world would just float up and away. maybe that would be cool, to just float away from all this. from essays on gay love in the bible, from cue sheets that i have to memorize, from lab data that i left in a notebook at sjsc, from overwork and stree, especially the stress of interpersonal relationships. i don't know why relating to people is so hard for me, especially right now. i' so invisible and bound up in my shell that i can't talk, can't notice people noticing me without large amounts of surprise. i hate my voice. i hate the dumb things i say. i want to be witty and be able to talk without feeling like i sound like a fucking idiot the second i open my mouth.

in short, i'm not very happy.