reunion

i went back to ctc last night, and was mobbed by a crowd of people. jon, after a dismissive 'i saw you recently' gave me a big hug, karen covered the side of my face she could reach with kisses, dave picked me up, everyone yelled at me for leaving. it was so nice to be back there, hauling ice chests and joking around and being the official keeper of the gaff tape. during the green show it was dark, so pat was lighting it with a flashlight. during a short break he came running down to wear i was sitting, handed me the flashlight. 'spot us, iris.'so i did. most of my friends are iits now...it's really strange to see emmalinda and jon and pat and karen in the green show, or being in charge of little kids.

but i stand by my decision to leave. i'm getting to help out festival opening and strike, so it's all good.

have realized something. boys like pat and jon don't flirt with me because as far as they're concerned i'm one of the guys. i'm serious. i don't look, talk, act, or dress like any of the other girls. i don't swoon over boys and throw myself at the ones that are around. plus, there's the whole liking girls thing. so, rather than being a girl, suddenly i become one of them. and you know what? i really like it. the boys i know make really great friends. and they're really funny to talk to about girls. we'll get in arguments over who's hot. we'll joke around about it.

and yet every so often i'll notice a boy watching me and wonder why. i don't try to be attractive to guys like the nine million straight girls around. so why look at me?