the owner of the coffee shop next door to the dance studio has decided that i get free drinks for life.

he was also surprised to find out a few months ago that i'm fifteen.

but he never makes me pay for anything. at all. i can walk in and order anything i damn well please and i get it and i drink it and we talk. and he's really cool. i think maybe i'll start taking earlier trains and hanging out at coffee to talk to paul.

and a couple of hot chicks on the corner said hi to me.

today was the first day in weeks i actually felt like i could dance. tonight was my hard rehearsal/class and normally in that class i feel like the worst dancer ever, and lately especially i haven't been able to breathe and i feel like one huge lump of jello that can't dance. but tonight i could feel the muscles working, i could see my extension getting better, i could breathe, and i danced, maybe better than ever before. fancy french was the best it's been so far, and i understudied reflections and for the first time it just came to me and i danced it full out, and for once i didn't stand out from the rest of them. i was just as good, just as dedicated...and it made me SO BLOODY HAPPY.

everything's coming together now. sort of. and it's all so good.