the house just shook...i don't know what it was, it didn't sound like the usual plane going over.

150 words to finish telling the story of my grandpa. i'm screwed. editing time...except maybve not. i tihnk i'll just kinda fly through it and be finished woth the goddamn thing. any spanish speakers wanna proofread it?

my mind is in bad places for writing...except for writing my story maybe. maybe that'll be my next project, that or my personal essay.

i don't know if rino wants to go inside my mind right now...it's being a scary jungle.

::sigh:: my head is starting to hurt. i think it's all the pressure in my sinuses. it makes me want to take a pill to make it better and go lie down in bed but i'm not tired i'm not i want to write the story maybe i should have gotten up and written it last night when i had the idea, when it was fresh in my head. will it be as good in the light of day? will i be able to capture it in words on a blank sheet of paper? i wish i knew...all i can do is try.

so many things due first thing tomorrow morning, when all i want to do is write my fucked up story about a girl who is me...but isn't. because she's a woman. and she isn't me, her story doesn't end the way i want mine to. but there is a lot of me in her, and a lot of her in me.

i've been thinking a lot lately of warm march nights in downtown palo alto and a kiss, the first. it tasted like mint gum, the mint gum from her bag that we'd both been chewing. 'i'll taste like cigarettes' she'd warned me months before. 'i don't care' i said. she didn't though...not that time. it was all mint and her. and around us was nighttime in palo alto, the bustle of people walking by, maybe pausing to look at the two girls on the bench in front of the pizza place. but to me...it didn't feel like they were there. i didn't care what they saw and what they thought. i just wanted that moment to last, so beautiful and perfect and right. maybe it's then that i first felt it. maybe it was holding hands in the car on the way back that night. but that's the night it started.

i miss that feeling. i miss that kiss.