i wish...

...i could hold autry's hand.
...i could tell what's on my mind.
...i knew what to do.
...autry would be okay.
...i could cry.
...i would stop feeling like i need to.
...i didn't feel so alone.
...i could help.
...i could realize that i'm really not so alone.
...my parents would give me more freedom.
...my mother would not freak out when she doesn't know where i am.
...you would kiss me. you know who you are.
...you were close.
...someone would hug me and tell me things will be fine.
...that i could be there for you when you need me.
...that i didn't have to sit here and feel helpless to do anything, when all you want is a hand to hold.
...it didn't take something awful to snap me out of my self-centered-ness.
...i could hold your hand. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and i miss you. and i know i've said that a lot, but i mean it every single fucking time.