i'm not sure quite what i want right now. last night we were racing aroung the streets of palo alto blasting music with the windows rolled down and the sunroof open and making carey turn around and yell NOT IN MY CAR! and solsbury hill fit so perfectly and right at that moment, with my fingers and ears freezing off, i couldn't have asked for more. it was beautiful. i love my friends so much. yesterday felt so much like a summer night and i've decided you guys would be awesome to take a roadtrip with. i wish we'd stayed out instead of going to the dance. dances by definition are bad. i think we should start having our own parties instead or something.

and i'm confused. i'm in this crazy reflective, nostalgic mood and i want to put on music (which i know will just send me farther int this) but my father is still asleep, i think, fuck it all.

i should probably say this directly to you but so often i feel like you still think i'm an idiot but then there are times like parts of last night when if anything we're closer and i feel like we're equals. i think i'm stressing out over something i really shouldn't but it bugs me, just slightly. i'm tired of being boring.