perhaps perhaps perhaps

i'm caught and confused, lonely in my little corner of the world, waiting wishing and wanting. wanting you. i think if i keep myself busy it will all go away so i work and work and work and for the first time in my life i'm truly a good student and i think maybe just maybe it will go away. so i take as many tech jobs as possible, fill up my cakendar and work myself to the breaking point. and then at night when everyone else is sleeping it comes rushing back in and i realize that working myself this hard is not the solution to anything but i feel too good and responsible and real and grounded to stop even though it's killing me slowly and every so often i can't take it anymore and i crash.