no frontiers

i think it's kinda funny that's the song it starts playing when i tell it to shuffle because yes, that was our song. a little idealistic, to tell you the truth. there's no one you can save that can't be saved. i guess that really is the truth, isn't it. because in the end i couldn't save you and you caouldn't save me. i watch you from a distance and wonder what happened because you're colder, harder, more distant every day. one day it was, then it wasn't anymore. everything love was supposed to be until it wasn't. and i can't help but wonder whether it ever meant as much to you as it did to me because it changed my life. you changed my life. and i was just another girl to you. i guess that's the way life goes, though. you loved robin more than she loved you, i loved you more than you loved me, katie loved me more than i loved her.

everyone has an autry. yes, you've become a thing. a noun meaning someone beautiful and apparently unreachable who reaches out and touches someone's heart, then leaves. tears their heart into a million pieces without looking back.

and i took what you taught me and went into the world armed with new music, new knowledge of love, and a new fortress to protect myself from it.

you used to write beautifully and i wished i could see the world the way you saw it but suddenly it's all how drunk you got or how much you puked and i miss the girl i used to see behind the words, the girl who could see past the bullshit of this crazy world. and i like to think i could see the real you but maybe what i saw was just one more layer of the facade.

you know, i didn't start out trying to write about you. i was going to write her, my new girl, my new heartthrob, the one that makes my pulse quicken with every beautiful word she writes. the girl i've seen four times, who has seen me three times, who is the second person since you to be magic and i've never even kissed her. a word, a touch, i'm a hopeless romantic.