::sigh:: ::plussigh:: ::doubleplussigh::

every time i think i have things worked out, my life falls apart around me. not me falling apart this time, just every other constant that had fallen into place in my life. i've begun to not trust things to remain the same for more than two weeks. i might as well give up on figuring my life out. it doesn't bloody work.

::sigh::

there are people in my life that confuse me. i don't know what to do or even what i feel. it's all so mixed up. is this now just residual 'well i DID like ***' weirdness, or am i STILL not over this? do you realize it's been almost a year? we're in rehearsal for the fall play again and i am once again confused.

n3il: I imagine the universe is far too amused by me to do anything *too* untoward, so it just messes with me enough to get me to react in some strange and comical way, and then it laughs.
...
n: I'm still inclined to think the world is all really just some elaborate experiment.
i: and we are the lab rats
n: And the rats are all just generally amused.
i: some are. and others take it too seriously.
...
n: Right.
We've called in outside support: Techs from Riverview Elecronics are currently doing strange things with soldering irons inside our dimmer box.
i: hehe
i: wheeeeee
i: rehearsal got out early today so 3llie and jian and i invaded the booth and started playing with the lights
n: Rock on [:-D]
n: How was that?
i: and somebody has regelled half the lights since pygmalion with heavily saturated gels and mr. c4pron doesn't know who or when.
i: much funi ta
i: ught jian how to repatch the board [:-P]
n: *giggle* Ita. That's exciting.
n: Ooh, that's more exciting.
i: (damn slow computer)
i: yeah
i: wheeeeeee!
n: I had to REATTACH the Spangenberg board today. Because the Riverview techs went and unplugged it.
n: Funfunfun.
i: who the hell randomly puts bright orange gels in the lights?
i: and dark blues
n: Well, I do dark blue a lot.
n: It might'a been me.
i: but for no apparent reason?
n: Well, I actually have before.
n: Not there.
i: so it's n3il's evil phantom c4sti twin
n: (N3il timidly approaches Riverview tech with soldering iron) N3il: Um. So what's wrong with the system?
(Tech turns very slowly, stares down at N3il from about a head taller than N3il's height). Tech: It's. FUCKED. UP.
N3il: Oh.
n: Hm. I have an evil phatom female twin! Cool!
i: ::laugh::
n: (Goddamn, what would female N3il be like......?)
i: i'm not sure i want to know
i: maniacal shakepeare-obsessed techie [editor's note: wait...i'm a maniacal shakespeare-obsessed techie. ::confused:: i think there's more to it than that.]